CrisyValo

VALO'S TATTOO TERRO

Finnish rocker VILLE VALO once got so drunk he had his bottom tattooed and the pictures splashed across his nation's newspapers.

The hedonistic singer had to share his embarrassment with the entire country after the booze binge went too far.

He says, "We got tattoos on our a*s cheeks saying 'Nidiot'. It's an old inside joke, and the guy put the pictures on his internet site and some of the tabloids in Finland got them, so they had a spread of my a*s in some tabloid. I was laughing my a*s off. Literally. But you know, everybody's got an a*s."

22/12/2005 03:06

VALO 'ARRESTED' IN FINLAND

Hellraising rocker VILLE VALO was reportedly arrested in his native Finland earlier this month (FEB06) after allegedly threatening to kill his neighbour and resisting arrest.

According to newspaper Iltalehti the HIM frontman was taken into custody.

It claims the incident happened in the early hours of 6 February at Valo's home in the capital Helsinki.

He is alleged to have thrown a flower pot at his neighbour's front door, before a fight broke out.

When police arrived at the scene Valo had to be restrained with handcuffs, according to the newspaper.

15/02/2006 17:11

VALO FEARS PREDATORY GROUPIES

Finnish rocker VILLE VALO is so terrified of sexually predatory groupies, he sometimes wishes he is gay.

The HIM frontman is stunned by how forward and liberated female fans are.

He says, "The overt sexuality of groupies shocks me.

"It feels odd that people think they can just sleep with us. We actually think, sometimes, in the band, that it would all be a lot easier if we were all gay because what better than going on stage having just sucked each other off - we'd all be so happy.

"But you know, hairy balls are not really my thing."

12/01/2006 09:14

VALO ONCE ATTACKED BY SCISSOR-WIELDING PSYCHO

Finnish rocker VILLE VALO was once attacked by a psychotic fan armed with a pair of scissors, but he refuses to let the experience put him off meeting his public.

The HIM singer likes to accommodate music fans seeking an autograph and a chat, but is now all too aware of the potential for unhinged behaviour.

He says, "We have the odd person who will come up and talk to us about flying on a broom stick and we had one incident with a girl, who we call 'The Polish Motherf**ker', who tried to attack me with scissors and cut my hair even though she wasn't drunk or under the influence of drugs. She just had a pretty vacant look in her eyes.

"It was pretty scary a fan like that can take it too far but there is nothing wrong with showing dedication to a band you love."

10/01/2006 17:10

VALO: 'I DON'T KNOW IF I WAS RAPED'

Finnish rocker VILLE VALO is unsure if he was raped after being given a date rape drug and robbed in a bar in Minneapolis last October (05).

But the HIM frontman insists it would serve his attacker right if he was sexually assaulted - because he was suffering an uncomfortable condition at the time.

Valo explains, "At that point I had a horrendous case of haemorrhoids - which often happens on tour - so it would have served that particular party right if they had taken their wicked way with me.

"Haemorrhoids and all the evil things that happen in the anal area. That would have been my revenge."

11/01/2006 17:23

VALO VICTIM OF DRUG-ASSISTED ROBBERY

HIM frontman VILLE VALO fell victim to a brazen robbery after his drink was spiked in a Minneapolis, Minnesota, bar during his recent US tour - and he has vowed to stay sober ever since.

The Finnish rocker was drinking with strangers the evening before a gig (21OCT05) when the drugging took place, leaving him suffering minor injuries and with his pockets cleaned out.

And the singer is now so terrified of a repeat incident, he is staying off alcohol for the foreseeable future.

He says, "They put some drugs in my pint of beer. I blacked out and woke up in a hotel room I'd never seen before.

"Somebody had stolen my jacket, my asthma medicine, my fags (cigarettes), my credit cards and my cell phone.

"I had a couple of scratches, probably from falling down, but nothing worse.

"I've been sober ever since."

01/12/2005 17:18

IM ENJOY GROUP MASTURBATION

Finnish metal band HIM prefer to indulge in group masturbation sessions rather than succumb to the allure of groupies, because they are scared of bedding a transsexual by mistake.

Frontman VILLE VALO claims that joint viewing of pornographic channels on hotel televisions keeps their sexual desires at bay, and avoids any band members getting into embarrassing situations.

Valo says, "There's always temptation, but it's not hard to resist.

"In HIM we synchronise our watches by having collective masturbation sessions. It keeps the urges down. Thank God for hotel porn.

"Why would I want to pick up a girl from the front row and go straight at it? Especially nowadays, you can never be sure - there's so many 'shemales' around.

"Plus, I'm not so fast that I could do it in one night."

25/10/2005 02:44

VALO WANTS TO QUIT

Finnish rocker VILLE VALO is considering quitting his band HIM to go back to work at his father's sex shop.

The 28-year-old - who started out as an assistant in his dad's Helsinki store - is growing tired of the band's exhausting touring schedule and yearns for the simple life again.

He says, "To be brutally honest, I have been thinking of going back. Sometimes you get tired of all the travelling.

"My daddy and I were talking about expanding the business, so maybe one day I'll go back to work with him.

"Him works like a big advertisement for my daddy; the shop's much more popular now because everyone wants to visit it."

18/01/2006 13:52

VALO: 'HIM IS MEDIOCRE'

VILLE VALO is baffled by the buzz surrounding his band HIM - because he thinks his music is still mediocre.

The Finnish band is currently riding a massive wave of hype, largely thanks to enigmatic frontman Valo.

But the 28-year-old would rather concentrate on the music.

He says, "We're just starting out. At the moment I think we're still mediocre. We have the potential to be great, though."

18/01/2006 17:21

VALO 'ARRESTED' IN FINLAND

Hellraising rocker VILLE VALO was reportedly arrested in his native Finland earlier this month (FEB06) after allegedly threatening to kill his neighbour and resisting arrest.

According to newspaper Iltalehti the HIM frontman was taken into custody.

It claims the incident happened in the early hours of 6 February at Valo's home in the capital Helsinki.

He is alleged to have thrown a flower pot at his neighbour's front door, before a fight broke out.

When police arrived at the scene Valo had to be restrained with handcuffs, according to the newspaper.

15/02/2006 17:11

HIM frontman VILLE VALO plans to sue the neighbour who had him thrown in jail following a fist-fight - for slander. The hellraising rocker, who was arrested in his native Finland last month (FEB06) after allegedly threatening to kill his neighbour and resisting arrest, claims the man had verbally attacked him and his family, and had spread rumours that they were drug-users. He says, "It was a guy just talking a lot of bull about me and my fiancee. "He was claiming we were junkies to people he didn't know. I heard it through my friend's mother in the park. "I'm gonna sue him for slander. We'll see what happens."
13/03/2006 14:01

"I've always wondered if it's possible to commit suicide by stopping yourself breathing. I really think, existentially, if I ever had a reason to kill myself, that's what I'd do." HIM frontman VILLE VALO contemplates the most natural way of ending his own life.
07/04/2006 17:19

VALO DRINKS TO EASE ATTACKS